why We Attract who We Attract…
Posted by jannoun
Do you notice patterns in your Love Life? You are constantly looking for that relationship that satisfies your personal needs and how to get those needs met
Your attachment style determines who you attract.
The more you understand your style, the more you are likely to understand your weaknesses and strengths which can compliment or harm your relationships.
According to the Attachment Theory, there are 4 types of attachment styles:
- Secure Attachment: Warmth and love come naturally, and you are able to be intimate without worrying about the relationship and tend to share little misunderstandings. You tend to have a secure attachment style if you have grown up in a loving and secure family upbringing. You feel safe and independent because you felt as such growing up. You de-escalate problems by problem-solving, forgiving, and apologizing. You are open and direct about feelings and shortcomings.
Anxious Attachment: this particular attachment can be draining as it may be difficult for you to feel satisfied in your relationships. You are likely to rely on your partner to be happy or to ease your fears. You can can also be constantly worried you will lose them, causing you to become more clingy and possessive. You crave such a close and intimate relationship, that you tend to put yourself and your needs second to accommodate your partner, which in turns causes you to become unhappy and resentful in the end. You lead yourself to stress and anxiety overcomes your relationship. You then tend to play games and/or manipulate your partner to get attention and reassurance in your relationship.
Avoidant Attachment: with this attachment style, you tend to isolate yourself from your partner, and seek full independence, which can come off as not really needing a partner and avoiding emotional connection. Your independence and self-sufficiency are more important to you than intimacy.
Fearful Attachment: fearful of letting yourself get too close to your partner and fearful of being too distant with your partner are two fears that confuse you and others around you, as your emotions are unbalanced you tend to confuse your partner, on an emotional roller-coaster, confusing yourself and your partner.
According to research, around 50% of the general population has a Secure attachment style, 20% has an Anxious attachment style, and 25% has an Avoidant attachment style.
Let’s now look at some relative facts. This Theory of Attachment tells us that some attachment styles are more likely to be drawn to certain styles.
What does this mean?
Point 1. If you are an Anxious or Avoidant, you are unlikely to be with someone that is Secure, as you find them to be too boring and not providing enough drama, and Secure Attachment will not provide that for you.
Point 2. Two Avoidants cannot possibly work as they spend their time avoiding each other which calls for a bad relationship then and there.
Point 3. Two Anxious people make for an unpredictable and high stress relationship, which is simply doomed from the get-go.
Point 4. If you are Anxious , you are more likely to mesh with someone Avoidant, and vice versa. An Anxious and an Avoidant are two attachment styles that are complimentary together as an Anxious person is willing to wait around for commitment and the Avoidant partner tolerates the behavior of the Anxious. Whether this is a healthy relationship, I would assume otherwise, however it does mesh, until changes occur, which they can.
Point 5. Nonetheless, individuals with Secure attachment can be with any Style of attachment, according to this theory because they can validate their partner’s feelings and help them overcome their fears, and for some, this is comforting.
What Attachment Style do you relate to? If you are not satisfied with your style, then look back into your childhood and really look into what made you this way. Once you can understand it, you can change it. Sometimes, you may need a little help, from a parent, a sibling, a psychologist, or someone, to really look deep and understand why you are who you are.
If you want a healthier relationship, if you want to seek a lasting relationship, it is never too late, it is not impossible.
Find the Best You. You will Find the Best Partner.
Posted on August 22, 2017, in About Humans, Interesting facts, Uncategorized and tagged Anxious, Attachment Theory, Avoidant, Fearful, Partner, relationship, Secure. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.